The Hallucination (Fool’s Gold)

Milestone DVD Hampton Man with a Lantern

I’m looking
I’m looking
I’m looking for the light in the dark of the night, and the fear is that I might
Not find the holy sight
Of the light
The light

Ten long days in the caves
And I already fear I’ve gone mad
The walls are shivering
The dirt is talking to me
Calling me “sweetheart” and “sugar”
And threatening to strangle me while I sleep
And my head plays the sound of a honky tonk piano on repeat
Dee Dee Dee
The man who plays the piano in my head is drunk
Again
He keeps playing the wrong note
Ooo – how I hate the sound –
The misaimed note screeches like chalk on a board, a car scraping against concrete, the howl of a stray cat in heat,
And it never resolves

I’m looking
I’m looking
I’m looking for the light in the dark of the night, and the fear is that I might
Not find the holy sight
Of the light
The light

Was he right?
Was I a fool to go looking?

– Lucy Schwartz

BFI Blu Eastman Man with a Lantern-1

Note: I do not own the photographs in this post. I always try to credit photos when I know the source.

What if

What if you’re not stuck? What if you’re actually on a rollercoaster, at the beginning of the ride. You’ve been ascending (though it may not have always felt like “ascending” to you, but what if it was?). And what if, right now, you’re at the very tip-top of the rollercoaster’s first peak…

…you know that moment where the ride pauses just before the drop? It’s like a real-life freeze-frame, everything just STOPS. Except for the incessant pounding in your chest, that keeps going, faster than ever. There’s so much fear inside you, turning your stomach inside out. And though, to an outsider observer, this moment is only a second, to you, it feels like an eternity. And you start to regret ever getting on the ride at all.

And then. Before you know it. You’re moving! Flying! Too fast to think about the fear. Too fast for regret. Riding high on waves of joy and elevation. Screaming a bit from the shock of it. But laughing too. Hands waving in the air. Free. The fear has moved. And so have you.

So what if, right now, in this time in your life where you feel “stuck” or “immobile”…what if you’re not stuck at all? What if you’re in the pause before everything starts to really move? Before everything gets fun?

What if?” It’s a good question to ask….

If you know the right kind of “what if’s” to ask yourself…

-Lucy Schwartz

Stream of Consciousness Poem

Stream of consciousness
Like a ribbon
That can’t be caught
Or held onto for very long
But which keeps unfolding
And revealing itself
If you allow it to

It’s strange what exists in there
Those thoughts that you weren’t even aware you were thinking
Those foreign feelings
Unknown to you before, in murky depths,
But which seem to have been a part of you all along
Those images, shapes, signs
Of a universal language
Which seek you out
If only you listen

I wish I could always live in that exalted space
Of universal wisdom
Of electricity
Electric thought.
Buzzing and whirring at a million miles a minute
Receiving.
Yes, that’s it.
I like when I’m a receiver of the great beyond
I like to sit in my little house
At my desk
Beside my telephone
Whose chord reaches up to the sky, past the viewing point,
A universal hotline, if you will,
That’s where I like to live
Waiting to receive.
Waiting for the call.
And then hearing it.
And picking up.

-Lucy Schwartz

 

Unconditional

You are lovable when you feel crazy
You are lovable when you feel sane
You are lovable in the sunshine
You are lovable in the rain
You are lovable in all circumstances
In all places,
In all moods,
In all of your emotions,
And desires,
In all your certainties and uncertainties,
In all your fears, worries and regrets,
In all the things you’ve done,
And all the things you haven’t done yet,
And in all the ways you simply, incredibly EXIST,
Without doing anything at all.

You are lovable at your worst
You are lovable at your best.

Darling,
Believe me,
You are as lovable as lovable gets.

-Lucy Schwartz